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From Childhood Wounds to Adult Struggles: The Lingering Impact of Feeling Unloved



When someone’s initial bond involves feeling unloved, it can lead to challenges in forming close connections, trust issues, mental health impacts, and experiencing intimacy. This often results in persistent feelings of anxiety, abandonment, and a tendency to avoid forming meaningful relationships or stable relationships in adulthood.


As a result, you could say this individual would grow to develop an INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE. This attachment could impact you in several ways:

  • How you communicate your feelings, emotions, and needs

  • How you understand the feeling, emotions, and needs of others/your partners

  • How you respond to conflict

  • How you self-regulate

  • How you trust others/yourself

  • What you tolerate/settle for


A therapeutic intervention that you can utilize is to seek therapy with a qualified mental health professional who specializes in attachment issues and trauma. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore past experiences, develop coping strategies, begin a commitment towards more positive relationships, and cultivate healthier patterns of relating to oneself and others.


Children easily see, feel, and notice parents’, guardians, and adults behaviors. In the absence of parents modeling healthy emotional intelligence, children are unlikely to develop strong emotional intelligence themselves, resulting in what can be known as UNDERDEVELOPED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.


Despite this, it is possible to build healthy emotional intelligence as an adult by self-awareness of the deficits that exist in our emotional intelligence and by taking consistent steps toward improving those deficits.


As children rely on their parents, guardians, teachers and adults in general to shape their sense of self, those who withhold genuine, unconditional love, or caretaking of the child’s well-being risk causing lasting harm to children’s self-esteem and identity development. This child would likely grow up with an IMPAIRED SENSE OF SELF.

Reframing feelings and thoughts for the child, teenager, or adult will be crucial to improve their sense of self. Reframing things like:

  • I am unlovable / I deserve to be loved in my adulthood

  • I am unwanted / I am desirable

  • I am rejected / I am good enough for me

  • I am neglected / I deserve to be cared for

  • I am abandoned / I am loveable

  • I am criticized / I am capable of doing good things

These statements and reframing can restore negative and core beliefs about themselves and their value. Cognitive beliefs can shape worldviews and interactions with others, by effort to undo these core beliefs, value and fulfillment will be felt.


When children aren't nurtured in secure, affectionate, respectful, and stable environments, they often develop deep-seated feelings of insecurity and mistrust. Consequently, they may encounter difficulties in TRUSTING BOTH THEMSELVES AND OTHERS as they navigate through life. 

Learning trust in adulthood can be guided by surrounding yourself with supportive and trustworthy individuals who respect boundaries and offer unconditional positive regard. Further supported by practicing vulnerability and gradually opening up to trusted individuals. Observe how others respond, reciprocate, and gradually build your confidence in your ability to trust and be trusted.


Further work can be done to support this journey, but it is up to you. Leverage resources like reading self-help books or podcasts. Practice self-care, what are the things that bring you comfort, peace, and joy? Understand your triggers- work through these triggers with your therapist. You can also practice healing and validating your inner child. What is your inner child? Who are they? Lean into this. Each person’s journey in life and in healing is unique, try not to compare yourself to others. It is important to practice patience and extend yourself grace as you navigate the effects of an unloving childhood. 


If this resonates with you, Thrive would love to help. Read the diverse background of our therapists on our Team page. Each of them are qualified and can support you in this journey.




Blog was inspired by: Source: How Being Unloved in Childhood May Affect You as an Adult | PsychCentral 2021


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